When Katrine's boyfriend was killed, her workplace kept her afloat

Important mission

“I’ve said no to all inquiries from the press and stayed in the background. I don't need anyone to feed on my sorrow and misfortune or to seek the sympathy of others. On the other hand, I would like to use my experience to show how incredibly much it means that the workplace is there for you when a life crisis strikes.”

The 28-year-old bank adviser speaks in a firm voice, and her alert, luminous blue gaze maintains a strong and calm eye contact as she speaks.

We are in a meeting room, green like the bank’s logo with a wide view of both the Gudenå river and factories, at the workplace that has meant so much to her: Jyske Bank in Randers.

It’s the exact room where she had a financial meeting with a colleague, an adviser like herself, on the Monday, four days after losing Jonas.

Colleagues formed a ring

“It was my own initiative to come here. I didn't want to live in the house anymore; it had to be sold. And what about life insurance and pension payments – what were my finances as a single parent? Suddenly, I had to make important decisions alone. There were many questions that I needed answers to.”

The meeting room is a diagonal walk across the large, shared office for some 30 employees, but Katrine also wanted to overcome herself and meet her colleagues quickly.

“It was really good that I did it. I think it would have been more difficult to return to work if I hadn't overcome that barrier so early.”

The others stood up and formed a circle around her:

“Everyone hugged me.  We simply stood there, close to each other, and formed a warm bubble. Everyone was shocked and sad.”

Prior to this, Katrine had been on the phone several times with her manager, Ulla Vestergaard Madsen, who, right from the start, has shown her continuous care, involvement and support and reassured Katrine that everything is going to be OK, that they will sort it out together, and that they are there for her.

“We agreed that Ulla should inform my colleagues what had happened. I mean, it was in the news, the local newspaper wrote a lot about it, so to prevent whispers and guesswork, we thought it best.”

Burgers with care

When Katrine came in to hold the meeting, she also felt the care of one of her other managers, Michael Kjær.

“I’ll never forget that. He looked at me and asked when I had last eaten. I couldn't tell; food didn't concern me. He said he’d go and get something for me at McDonald's. I said I’d like a cheeseburger, just one. He returned with two and a McFlurry, and I ate it all, even though I hadn't felt hunger.”

Colleagues attended the funeral

That incident is just one of the many thoughtful actions from managers and colleagues that Katrine will always remember.

Another is the large turnout at the funeral in Sct. Morten's Church in Randers, the city's largest and oldest church. 500 people attended, including almost all of her colleagues.

“It was a week and a half later, on a Saturday, at very short notice. Still, my colleagues supported me and made every effort to be there. The managers were there, including those from Aarhus. It means a lot to me that they showed up in such numbers.”

She explains that it has to do with the gesture of attending the funeral and the fact that it is “a huge, overwhelming moment in my life, which my colleagues in this way have been part of. If I want, I can talk to them about the funeral because they were there.”

Wanting to return

At no time was Katrine asked when she would return to work, and she felt no pressure.

“I don't think they imagined seeing me back within the first six months, but nothing was mentioned about it. All that was said was that they were there, and that I should give myself time. I found this to work really well: It calmed me knowing my job was waiting, and that I could decide based on how I felt when it was time.”

That turned out to be three weeks later.

“I visited one more time before I went back to work. Ulla had arranged breakfast for everyone, and I got a nice gift basket, with things for my son and beauty stuff for me. It was a lovely gift, and yet another expression of care and thoughtfulness. If was after that visit that I could feel I wanted to return.”

But getting back to work was intense:

"It took a toll on me getting back to work, I got very tired. But I was met with the fullest care and without any sense of sensationalism. My managers have created a very good environment for my return.”

The work as a refuge

It has been made clear that Katrine is returning to work for the purpose of working. It's OK for her to talk about her feelings, as long as she has control over how it happens.

“It's just so nice to immerse yourself in work or sit with the others and talk about ordinary things or make fun of something totally random – because everyone else in my life have been stricken with grief. Work has been a kind of refuge and free space for me,” says the bank adviser, who has been with the bank for five years.

Everyone respects and supports her if she needs to clock out and go home early on the days that are tough. And the relationships with colleagues have taken on a different, more vulnerable, trusting and private shape:

“I actually feel like my colleagues have become more like family.”

Overall, returning to work gave me a sense that I was regaining some control:

“Work is a big part of ordinary life. Returning to work gave me a sense that I was regaining some of the control over my life that I lost completely that night,” says Katrine, who, after six months, secured a contract to work 32 hours a week.

“I had to check in with myself to find what would work for me. I'm now alone with my son, and all the tasks we used to handle as two adults, I have to manage on my own."

Remembered on wedding day

There is still a lot of attention from managers and colleagues in situations that may be particularly tough, such as when her manager texted her on that day in June that should have been Katrine and Jonas's wedding anniversary.

“I got a lot of text messages that day. The first one ticked in already at 8 in the morning when I was out for a run in Marbella in Spain. Ulla wrote that she was thinking of me. It was touching that my manager was aware of it, it says something about the kind of person she is.”

People generally pay attention to Katrine's well-being of which she is continuously reminded.

Like when she got a call from her father-in-law in May, while she was in the shared office. Here Katrine's third manager, Tommy Højfeldt, came to the rescue:

“My father-in-law told me the police were on their way with news. They wouldn't say what it was about. I turned white as a ghost, and, without hesitation, Tommy and Michael offered to drive me and my car there, so I wouldn't have to drive in the state I was in.”

It turned out that the one they had caught had confessed to the murder.

In November, he was sentenced to custody, the severest punishment possible.

“This was yet another chapter closed – and a very important one at that.”

Closed chapters and safety net 

Katrine's fight to return to a more normal life has largely been about closing chapters and moving on from the past.

“Shortly after the funeral, I packed up the entire life that I and Jonas had lived together in moving boxes, so the house could be sold. Within three months of it happening, I had moved, first to my parents and then to my own new home with my son – and I was back at work.”

She emphasises repeatedly that overcoming the latter would have been impossible without such a fantastic and sympathetic workplace.

“I felt that I had a huge safety net underneath me. Someone who only wanted the best for me and would help in any way they could.”

Stress-testing of preparedness mechanisms

Before her life fell apart, she had just been elected union representative. She wanted to work to preserve the positive work environment she was experiencing every day. That hasn’t changed.

After Jonas was killed, she postponed her union representative training, but she will be resuming it this month – and, during the past year, she completed training to become a health and safety representative, which is also entailed in the union representative role at Jyske Bank.

“Now that I have sadly stress-tested the bank's preparedness mechanisms when a life crisis strikes, I can say that it has worked perfectly. The bank's preparedness mechanisms through PFA also keep you afloat, with crisis psychologist or general psychologist sessions, follow-up measures and various other offers. It works really well."

But the most important thing of all is the support and care from managers and colleagues:

“I was well aware that I had good colleagues. But I didn't know they were this good. And my managers – I have enormous confidence in them. If they can handle this, they can handle anything.”